“I even check my emails at stoplights,” my friend confessed while we were talking about how plugged in we always are as busy professionals. “I get Teams messages at 5:30 AM,” I said, “and I always respond right away!” We looked at each other, each one wanting to tell the other one that she needed to set some healthier boundaries, but both knew it would be a ‘pot calling the kettle black’ situation. That conversation, though, really motivated me to make some small changes that would set at least some boundaries. Setting “healthy” boundaries would have to come later.
I used to subscribe to Hustle Culture. In fact, I have probably been the President and CEO of the Hustle Culture Club for most of my career. Go, go, go, pack the schedule as full as possible, be available at every hour of the day, and then drop dead in bed at the end of the day. If I didn’t end the day completely exhausted, I’d feel like I hadn’t worked hard enough. It’s definitely ingrained in me and part of my personality (thanks to my over-achiever mom and perfectionist dad), but it’s also a really bad habit I started in my early twenties and never gave up.
Not Everything Requires an Immediate Response
Remember when we didn’t have smartphones, couldn’t read emails at 1:00 AM when we couldn’t sleep (not recommended), didn’t communicate with our coworkers through several different modalities (Teams, Slack, email, text, phone calls, zoom meetings, in-person meetings, Google docs, etc)? We actually waited until we got to work the next morning to respond to someone’s email. I know, I’m dating myself here, but remote working used to be reserved only for emergencies, and only people of a certain rank in the company had a work-issued laptop. So, working in the evenings or on the weekends wasn’t even a consideration. And guess what? Nothing imploded. No one expected an immediate response (if they did, they called you on the phone). And, businesses and professionals still were productive and thrived.
So, when was it decided that in order to be an available professional, you’d be checking your emails at every waking moment or responding to texts or Slack messages while on family vacations? I think we can thank smartphones for that evolution. Not that smartphones don’t bring a lot of efficiency and value to our lives, but they’ve also become a permanent tether to our work lives.
Easy Work-Life Boundaries You Can Set Today
You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Well, it’s too late now to set boundaries,” but I’m here to tell you that even if your coworkers, boss, or direct reports are used to you being available 24/7, there are some ways you can set some respectful boundaries with all of them that can help you slow down a little bit and not burn yourself out. Burnt-out employees and/or bosses are not benefitting anyone, trust me.
Step 1: Decide what a healthy boundary or two looks like for you. Is it giving your family your full focus on the weekends? Or, disconnecting at 6:00 PM for the rest of the evening? Maybe you will want to be completely offline while on a family vacation. ALL of these are completely reasonable boundaries for you to set, so please give them some thought without worrying about judgment.
Step 2: Communicate your need to set some boundaries and what those boundaries will be for the majority of the time. I have found that most people at work care about each other and want to respect each other’s boundaries. I always say ‘family comes first,’ so if that means someone needs to wait to respond to an email until the next workday because she wants to spend evenings with her kids, then I completely respect that. Now, some of us work in positions that require us to be available 24/7 in case of an emergency. Those are one-off circumstances in which people should be able to contact you no matter what time it is but try not to allow it if it’s not an emergency.
Step 3: Implement boundaries with your technology. Although most people want to respect your boundaries, often they are still going to work late or on the weekends or start emailing in the middle of the night when they can’t sleep. They don’t do this to disrespect your boundaries, and they don’t expect an immediate response from you. But, if you’re an over-achieving, people-pleaser like me, you can’t help but respond immediately – even at stop lights. Turning the notifications off on your phone or laptop will help you stick to your boundaries. When I decided to implement some boundaries, I turned off my email notifications on my phone as a first step. It’s a little hard to get used to, but pretty soon, you stop expecting those notifications, and only check your emails when it works for you, not just because you’ve received an email. Trust me, those emails will still be there when you get back to your computer, and if someone needs a response from you right away, they will call you. The other technology boundary I implemented several months ago was setting my phone’s bedtime for 8:45 PM and not having it wake up until 6:00 AM. By using this setting, it automatically turns off any notifications during that timeframe. It helps me start to decompress a little earlier and go to bed a little earlier. And my morning routine doesn’t get interrupted by notifications, either. I did, however, put certain people from work and life on the “VIP list” who could break through and text/call me during those hours in case of emergency.
Step 4: Set people’s expectations. If you are going on vacation and don’t want to be bothered by anything work-related, then do that! We work hard and deserve some time off without having to think about work. We will all be better workers if we actually take vacations and disconnect from our jobs. So, make sure your coworkers, boss, or employees know that you’re going to be disconnecting while on vacation and you won’t be able to respond to any emails or messages (again, unless your position requires you to respond to emergencies) for the duration of the vacation. Then, set your Out of Office email letting people know who to contact during your absence. This will help people get help right away and hopefully reduce the number of emails you’ll come back to after that nice relaxing vacation.
Lastly, and again I feel like the pot calling the kettle black, don’t feel guilty about setting some boundaries. Just like when we are flying with children – ‘put your oxygen mask on first,’ because it will make you a more productive and effective professional, and everyone will benefit from that.
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