As leaders, difficult conversations are inevitable. Whether we are addressing underperformance or managing unhappy patients, these challenging conversations are just part of leadership.
Learning to handle these conversations will make you a great leader and get both parties the best results. It takes practice, though, so don’t expect to handle it perfectly the first time.
Here are some simple tips I use when going into a difficult conversation:
🗣️ View it as the start of a better relationship: As uncomfortable as it can be, a difficult conversation can be the start to a better relationship with someone. If handled well, it can build trust and open the lines of communication, both of which are critical to a solid relationship. So, approach it with an open mind and curiosity to earn trust and respect. People want to be heard and seen, so avoid confrontational or dismissive behaviors.
💡 It’s Not Personal: I found this strategy especially true when it came to difficult conversations with unhappy patients. As the CEO of the health center, if they made it to me, they were very unhappy. I always reminded myself before the conversation that it wasn't personal; they just had a problem they needed help solving, and they didn't feel like their problem got solved. I would approach the conversation with curiosity rather than defensiveness, and 9 times out of 10, that person would calm down and let me work through their problem with them.
🤔 Ask yourself a few questions before going into the conversation:
Are you willing to forgive this person?
In the grand scheme of things, does this really matter?
Is there a fair resolution that will meet both of your needs?
Do you have the facts, or are you making assumptions?
Are you open to the other person’s perspective and potential solutions?
Getting into the right mindset before the conversation will ensure a positive outcome. You must acknowledge your opinions and emotional state before the conversation begins.
🧘 Learn how to de-escalate: Nothing gets accomplished in a heated argument. Early in my career, I learned that staying calm (even if I was yelling in my head!) helped the other person stay calm, making the conversation productive. Use de-escalation tactics to keep things calm. If the other person can't stay calm, speak without yelling, or address the issue, be willing to end the conversation and reschedule. Sometimes, people need a cooling-off period before having a rational discussion.
A difficult conversation can be a positive and productive way to improve a relationship if handled well. Keep it a conversation, not a confrontation, and you'll see how far it can go to build trust and improve performance with the people you lead.
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